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The Charleses

Updated: Mar 21, 2023

Some opening free writing cementing the ideas and behaviors of the characters along with the action comic story development..

Oh daddy let me lick it clean she thought as she watched the queens pile up. Decade after decade as her army took on more followers and allies and especially more friends. The line in the sand guarded by hate and outmoded ideas like religions and the patriarchy had started to shift the borders of gender. Her name was RuPaul Charles and honey she was fierce. You might call her a supreme edumicator who became legendary from capitalizing on a needs based marketing model. The drag queens appreciated the bread from greater tolerance, acceptance, and fame and the consumers were always ready to pay for the tastes of a circus presented under the biggest top possible. Is influence better than power and wealth and love, hardly, but its moving in the right direction mused RuPaul.

King Charles asked for his butt-ler to connect a Secure Zoom Call with Prince Harry. The butt-ler placed the last gold and diamond pin into His Majesty's elegant vicuna diaper and set about preparing the video link for the pampered King's meeting with his son.

While the butt-ler keyed some information with his right hand he lifted the gold chain containing the King's pacifier with his other hand and placed it in the King's mouth so his majesty could rest in preparation for the meeting while sharpening his dentures on the diamond encrusted exterior of "plugger" which he he enjoyed sucking off since childhood. The pacifier was collected as soon as he feel asleep and returned to a nearby safe. Wouldn't want a servant to come upon it unfortunately and doing a runner.


The call was connected in short order as expected by those in service to the royals. One servant used the computer to access Zoom, one operated the camera, one adjusted the room lights, one checked His Majesty's hair, one his makeup, one his wardrobe, one the objects in the foreground and background to avoid any undesired scrutiny of the King's private possessions, one verified the government standards for photographing the King and finally one outlined the meeting notes to his Majesty for why the King was calling and what he hoped to accomplish from the meeting. The King thought how do I achieve a visit with my son thousands of miles away with such a skeleton crew supporting me on the journey.

Suddenly Harry appeared on the screen and the King wondered at what magic made it all possible. Harry was frowning at the thought of being summoned without prior notice and through the appropriate servant channels, but thought he should fake his gratitude for his father's call by offering a slightly down turned smile.

After a brief silent stare at one another The King said, "It looks like your having a lot of fun there in America. Happy go lucky? Dining on Lilibet and Cabbage salad everyday?" Well my darling boy, now that I am King I need you to return from the colonies to London to assist us in our public doodies. I plan to shit in every city possible in the world before the end of my life and I need you to do the same to help sell our iconic reinvention of the monarchy for the next century. Were going to create a great map that documents our travels and diplomatic efforts. Of course there will be a mixture of looser and king sized examples of our contests as a kind of loggers bringing in a new age for the British Empire. To assist us in keeping the monarchy relevant I've hired an American who really knows how to put on a show on the global stage. Her name is RuPaul Charles, have you heard of her?

Harry looked befuddled. Of course I know who he is, Pa. The poofsters and a great many women including my wife fancy RuPaul. I think he's rather funny. What I would like to better understand is how he fits into the equation of positioning our family and the landed gentry to avoid uprisings in such times of inequality where we are perceived as the puppeteers pulling strings from the top of the pyramid?

Don't be so dull Harry it will be fun. Megan will enjoy the plethora of court jesters to whom she seems so readily aligned supporting a television program featuring our family members and with global syndication potential. Have you seen those numbers on the funeral? I've learned a thing or two about syndication, don't you know, over the years so trust me as your father and King.


I plan to liven things up with RuPaul's help in producing a kind of race competition where the winners in our family remain relevant to achieving our goals, support branding efforts and the losers are cut off without a penny of our subjects offerings, taxes I think they're called. Anyway, the things we possess thanks to our progenitors leadership of the people through engaging them in interesting ways from fairs, shows, and wars are at stake if we don't stay on top of our game. Look at the Church of England. we filled up its houses with loyal fans and adapted the brand as needed for centuries. I think its time for some new costuming including some updated dresses for the clergy. Charles Royal Races will be a hit and with RuPaul's help the New British Empire.

Imagine the main challenge where our family compete to design new vestments for the Church of England with RuPaul as the guest judge and drag queens partners as the designers and models of the gowns along with the royal family member assigned to her. The only catch is that the King (prepared beforehand) decides the pairings of the teams with a drag queen and a royal family member. The King makes some interesting observations as he lists the pairings during the show to add some excitement that perhaps some grudges shall be scored. And you thought jousts and lances were popular back in the day as enter-taint-ment, RuPaul will teach the aging empire how to leave a mark with style.

And I am thinking of designing all the house servant uniforms to something more modern that are fun to look at as well, the military too, you name it race after race with new uniform designs to help the People understand and project their vocations and love of us.


Megan is black too, which I view as a particular advantage as we modify our subjects to eventually create a highly diverse less variable skin tone and genetic characteristics populace to support the planet and our family. She will definitely help us with ratings and that was my idea and RuPaul agreed wholeheartedly.


Harry thought, nothing like a King with low self-esteem.


I particularly like something this RuPaul said to me in our meeting about the need to ensure that everyone can see that the losers in our family have "already done had herses" according to the dialect of her people and "you better werk" if they expect to keep up with appearances.


We decided to start our family's race by creating a new court focused on individual merits and assessing universal skills that everyone in our family possess including: breathing, eating, and shitting.


I've decided to start with shitting and as the challenges get harder we'll work backwards to determine our family's winners versus the losers. I value your counsel and I need you as part of my judging panel for the younger audience. William will be there too as the other judge for the fuddy-duddy audience and we'll leave an alternate spot and rotate whoever might be of interest at the moment as a guest judge. Sir Elton has already agreed to make an appearance.

RuPaul tells me that there are some plump drag queens and they would be great for the shit elimination challenge by providing an appropriate appetite for the occasion and apparently like me they enjoy two pieces of chicken and a biscuit from Kentucky which sounds like a nice snack for the contestants to eat on air before we insert their feeding funnels for the real challenge.

RuPaul will have a permanent seat as a judge. The show will constitute a wholly new franchise of contestant reality television challenges targeting popular strategies for reviewing royal families compensation structures globally. When can your King expect you, Meaghan, and the children back in London my dear boy?

Your Majesty. I will make Megan aware of this new development and appreciate your patience in securing my love in supporting your new mission by encouraging her unerring compliance to your will.

Well get on with it then, I expect an answer within the hour. I am the King you know. Yes, Pa sorry for the delay and you will hear from me very soon.

RuPaul was examining her passive cash flow structure because she was feeling like she needed a break from what she had been doing for so long. The phone rang and it was her agent with an excited tone, Ru oh good its you. King Charles would like to speak with you via Zoom call. RuPaul stared at the phone for a moment and said finally! How long has she been dead and he hasn't called me?

Well I've got to have me a special outfit for my audience with the King. I am going to be a most memorable Drag Queen for his Majesty.


Don't get ahead of yourself, Ru, he wants to hire you as a television series consultant and honorary judge because of a drag element in every show to kick off his new social accountability campaign.

Oh well, he's still age appropriate for me to call him Daddy.


I wouldn't recommend that either.

Anyway, look forward to seeing you, please standby and The Palace should have the Zoom connection ready within in the next week and will provide you with an hour or two's notice so be ready and no hanky panky, dig?

Dig said Ru as she headed to her wardrobe warehouse.

Director's Note:


I can't decide whether to dress RuPaul in the Dior or as a genie to meet the King. She was thinking the genie because she didn't want to be looking like she already done had herses. She wanted some money henny and enough to loosen up the reins of the drag empire she had harnessed herself for the past decade plus to for something new and equally profitable.

Everybody needs something new now and again RuPaul said softly to herself.

11 days later RuPaul got a phone call from her agent. They are ready to connect the Zoom call can you take it now? RuPaul stood up from her bath yes, but I'm naked and I will be using my phone as the camera. Get some fucking clothes on and hurry! Love ya!


RuPaul wished that she was the black Samantha as she did since childhood watching Bewitched while simultaneously being bewitched by the zany fashions on the show as she ran toward her closet for a quick drag challenge which was not the norm these days for her majesty. She did not have enough time for normal dressing rituals so she decided to pull together that lady of mystery deviant superhero number together like during the pandemic from her "home" set. Now she was trying to figure out which room in her house looked the most like a high rent fortune teller's office because RuPaul ain't no late night cable Miss Cleo. Endora's look seemed like the order of the day for such short notice. She donned a turban to hide the fucked up wig she had just threw on and would wear something loose and flowing so no control garments or padding was needed.


It reminded Ru of long gone days of turning tricks and doing the quick change, trying to get out of there, bringing in the next one, or a dozen other scenarios that supplied her with the skills of being able to don and remove a frock in no time. No more than 10 minutes had passed and RuPaul was concerned about her sheepish glowing makeup that gave an air of jumping fences but as her soon to be gentleman caller would say, stiff upper lip girrl.


RuPaul sat down in her personal study and adjacent to her business office adjacent on the other side to her personal office which was one of the many sets at her disposal to work more from home per her recent workday preferences. She asked H.A.I. (Herses Artificial Intelligence) assistant to connect the waiting Zoom call. The call was joined and a person with the Royal Coat of Arms of Buckingham Palace behind him appeared on the screen. He said, oh great you're here a bit late but here thank you. We should be able to connect the King in the next few hours we hope. Please standby. We are trying to create a secure uplink to Clarence House through normal channels for such communications.

Like any good fortune teller worth the weight of her soul, RuPaul charged for her services and incidental costs were rising at an alarming rate with a distinctive throb corresponding to her heartrate at her throat as the minutes turned to hours waiting for the King. She was so rushed in preparation for the delayed meeting that she was missing the little stuff like forgetting to set the air conditioning 20 degrees lower for the meeting once those lights came on.

No hurry, RuPaul said as she bit her mother fucking lip like she was waiting as part of an audience to see a show with nothing to do but wait. She laughed and thought again about her hair since she now had time and a new face was an absolute must even if the King needed to wait for her. Oh she'd be talking while she put on her makeup but he wouldn't see this mug no sir, not until she's done. And she had no intention of being read to filth by this handsome older male like poor Diana endured as she reluctantly started sucking on a tic-tac and wondering if she should eat such a heavy meal as she waited. King Charles III and Queen RuPaul Charles, now that's the ultimate Disney Princess Syndrome case anyone ever thought of said RuPaul.

But RuPaul accepts the coins of any realm and I'm sure the King could give her just the tips in her gaping ears for some precious metal mining companies where to invest her money. She wasn't sure if that was insider trading getting financial advice from a King but it sure did sound great for cocktail parties! At least when she had time for parties that weren't work related.


RuPaul had completed her transition which frankly didn't look that much different than her appearance before the makeover in her inherent perfectionism but she felt fresh as Miss Daisy navigating the Piggly Wiggly with her grit and stamina as she practiced a big smile to greet the King after applying a whitening treatment to her grill.


When the King finally connected around midnight RuPaul's time she was just beginning to settle down from a hard days werk. The King felt like he had gone on a great exotic adventure as he gazed upon the beautiful black genie with big tits wearing the robes of her people presumably. Now I know what Mummy got on about traveling and taking in culture and all brought to us through the magic of Zoom.


Your Majesty RuPaul said as she bowed so low she could see a stain near her tailbone that was deposited by George earlier. Damn fucka missed again she thought planning to provide a bigger target for their next conjugal appointment in what was cumming to be a same time next year kind of marriage.

It's really lovely to make your acquaintance Miss RuPaul. The cue card holder changed slides. I have a bit of theatrical background myself from my school days and applying those long dormant skills has been a top priority of mine since my mother passed. I'm no stranger to a bit of drag myself in a collection of memorable performances and I have even blown bubbles on stage like a stripper in a club showing off the purse of my lips.


Several of my advisors including some friends from the BBC really sing your praises with this new form of entertainment, drag racing is it? Well, I thought why not weed out some royal family members for sustainability purposes as we move tally ho towards a more centralized and distributive non weaponized highly regulated world. As always the British Empire will guide the way by providing instructions on how to shape society.

Majesties United Royal Drag Elimination Races is the name the BBC is pitching, how does that set with you? They are calling it Project M.U.R.D.E.R. for short and won't that be popular on the T-Shirts and all the royally sanctioned gifts sold in the local shops and through peoples computing machines globally?


It sounds more like a Ho Tally laughed RuPaul. So where do I fit in to the show? I am only a distant observer of your culture and traditions and how will I ever swing the executioners ax without a special manicure supporting every axe swing? RuPaul immediately pictured herself with Bradley Thor training her before each elimination round. Placing his wedge right where she wanted it.


Since those Boulet Brothers trifling brand hit the airwaves Ru had been thinking that her own brand could use a horror angle and this new series weeding out the King's lovely gardens of invasive species would surely be a hit. Project M.U.R.D.E.R. might even find itself placed in the same day's time slot on World of Wonder+ as when the Dragula franchise airs on Shudder to go head for head in the perceived value of each show's eliminations for brand building purposes.


Rather than a picture of the eliminated contestants hanging discreetly in a rogues gallery we thought it might be fun to cast their busts at the beginning of the season to rest on spikes lining the entrance to the werk room with each eliminated family member added the next week. This way the remaining contestants can address them, pick them up, drop them, kick them, stare at them or otherwise engage them all season in Hamlet style as they reflect on their own risks of mortality during the show's season while honoring their royal family connections.

Of course, we'll only simulate the losers being hung or beheaded for nostalgia sake, but the removal from our ledgers will be real and we thought it would be fun if after they picked up their things at the end of the show and after painting a message to the remaining family members in a bloody substance that they would then be driven to the airport and sent to Australia, again for nostalgia sake. We might even film their journey of seeking suitable employment and shelter in their new homeland as a follow-up series called Penal Implants.

The King again read from his cue card, I am willing to devote one month's salary to pay your fee to get started and we will produce any syndicated franchises that emerge as well, which amounts to around 8 million pounds for your retainer. Sorry for such a modest payment but I am the People, Interregnum, and the Government and we must be conservative with our resources. The PIG will get its share of the slop as it were, yes?


RuPaul understood the PIG part and she was well trained in delivering that to the people, and she also knew that her trick could expect a lot from her for that kind of money along with her excitement about the rare and more often empty promises that we just getting started. Oh fuck yeah she said softly.

I'm sorry my dear I couldn't hear you what was that?


Your Majesty, I accept your generous offer, our collaboration will be a hit. I will serve up some great heads of yo family I promise you that.

Very good we'll be in touch and suddenly the Zoom call ended.


The phone rang and RuPaul answered. Ding ding ding went the trolly, clang clang clang went the bell sang RuPaul's agent. Zing zing zing went my heartstrings RuPaul said as she contemplated her tip. Good job Sis, Merry Christmas and enjoy the bonus and the agent hung up.


Harry and Meghan moved closer to the window to check out where the nanny had moved Lilibet Diana as they contemplated the sudden return to London and complete lack of clarity about the intended duration of their relocation.

Meghan said the old fucker will probably expect you to stay close and wipe his ass for his global shit tour until the day he dies. I was just getting settled in here and thinking about returning to work full time now that we have a wet nurse with dragon's blood in her milk. Harry do we have to leave California?


I'm sorry my dear but he is the King and I am but a humble servant of his Majesty's will so yes we have to oblige immediately.


Well at least there is RuPaul to add a bright light and her creativity to add some spice to the dull royal dishes that are our family members. It will be just the women capable of having children right?


Harry said, Oh no, it could be men or women but the rule is that they must compete presenting the opposite lower front pussy gender given at birth including any subsequent surgeries that have occurred to make sure the peerage records stay accurate. But no worries for our immediate family as we will always be cast as judges until we aren't any longer.


I am looking forward to the military uniform redesign challenge including a updated codpiece that will serve as a mess kit, tea set and bed pan for werking the trenches and a dress which converts to a tent. The enemy will fear the massive bulge around the groin area as the soldiers approach and hopefully wish to avoid a rape from our better endowed infantry. I also think that the sun helmet should be rethought for the modern age with a gender neutral appeal and an updated ensemble supporting it. Sort of like a sea of bouncing dickheads with well tailored shafts when our soldiers are on the march. At least after they quell any dissent they'll have a nice little tent in which to enjoy a cup of tea.

It sounds like it will be boring for me, Meghan said, but I will get to spend more time writing scripts in calligraphy for Netflix which frame important life lessons for Archie and LIlibet and I can always afford some time for wardrobe and makeup tips from RuPaul as breaks during my day job.


Splendid, I'll let Daddy know at once and let's have the traveling household trunks packed so we aren't hunting around for workout, dinner or bed clothes the night we arrive at Frogmore Cottage. The Prince uttered a few words into his mouthpiece communicator and the household staff scurried into action to pack up the essentials for their household abroad.

After relaying a message to the King's buttler about Harry and family's departure because Charles was otherwise engaged, Meaghan and Harry boarded the helicopter that had landed on the helipad outside their Californian estate for the 20 minute flight to LAX. The truck containing their 229 traveling household trunks delayed the takeoff for 29 minutes. They both took an Ambien washed down with some dreadful wine available in First Class, cursing themselves for not bringing their own Tig before drifting off to sleep with only minor bouts of sleep walking and talking during the flight which entertained the other passengers to no end. Meaghan thought the exit row door handle was a sink faucet as she relived a frequent nightmare of women doing dishes with Ivory soap. Fortunately, she was returned to her seat and slumber before taking a big step from the plane towards a less than ivory coast.


Harry was dreaming of addicted video game play as Archie and Lilibet snuggled and fought for blankets with Bogart, Guy, and Pula in their kennel in the cargo hold. Both children documented their locations via G.P.S. for public outreach during the early days of the British Shit Tour with wonderful voids which the BBC shot in slow motion adding them to the great map of King Charles III contributions to the global stage. Both the dogs and the children moved as far away from the piles of shit now added to their kennel as they could.


RuPaul meticulously took notes as she rewatched The Crown to better understand her upcoming mission and fantasized about being the Queen...of England. (Changing of the guard fantasy scene featuring the Brit Crew)

Introducing the royal family members was of particular concern to RuPaul for the first episode which would provide the audience signals about the roles cast for each contestant from the villain to the saint for continuity purposes. RuPaul was certain that the drag queen team members offered many opportunities for entertaining exchanges with their royal family partners and conflicts seemed inevitable due to the gulf between each pairings stations in life. Blame, entitlement, eccentricity, and forgiveness formed the B.E.E.F. of the show's formula RuPaul jotted down.


Look Herses is coming to dinner.

Camilla was concerned about the menu for a planned dinner hosted by the King to which RuPaul was invited to meet the family the week before filming was scheduled to begin. She thought it best to keep it simple with some clear turtle soup, grilled Dover sole and sirloin of beef, Yorkshire pudding, apple pie in honor of America and a sampling of cheeses from Stilton, Cheshire, and Wensleydale all served with a red Bordeaux,

The King looked on in horror at the menu which he had grown quite accustomed to providing guidance for over the past seven decades. A picnic lunch for our new collaborator? I was so hoping we could make a good impression of my kingdom rather than sneaking about with a light meal like a pair of star crossed lovers eating in secret decades before our ascension to the throne to avoid that cow. What would mummy say? Well she's tossing about and shaking the foundations at Windsor I suspect. I want every organic ingredient possible helicoptered in from Sandringham and I want to personally inspect the catch and slaughter the cattle myself. The marbling has to be just right even if I have to sacrifice the entire herd. That Facebook fellow slaughters his own food as he challenges himself to be more accountable and I will do the same. Do you think RuPaul would enjoy watching the slaughter prior to the preparation of the meal in the spirit of Project M.U.R.D.E.R.? It might help to get the family in the mood for when shooting begins? I suspect after judging so many drag races that RuPaul really enjoys picking a choice bull or two to benefit the contestants. What is that she calls them on her show The Pit Bulls or something. Camilla, we have to stop thinking solely about ourselves and embrace our new friend as warmly as is possible for our family.


Very well Charles, while you are at giving sound advice as usual I was hoping that you might guide me in my ensemble for the evening? By the way, they are called the Pit Crew like those that support a racing team. Racing? Yes, my dear automobile racing its all the rage in America and provides the premise for the show. You have to be smart and fast outwitting your opponents at every turn, when you think you see the finish line in sight you better Werk even harder because you never know when some queen is going to outwit you and win the race. You really need to watch a bit of her television canon so we don't come across like Prince Philip with some insensitive remarks your Majesty.


I was thinking of wearing black in solidarity and perhaps donning my Diamonte trim fuzzy slippers similar to RuPaul's footwear when she masqueraded as a clocksucker in her fudge factory space movie. In the spirit of her fortune teller outfit that she wore as I looked on through the peephole during your meeting I figured that I'd wear an elegant designer Shayla style hijab also in black rather than cheetah print like the big cat I am and accented by the Cullinan IV brooch to support our tireless efforts to support diversity equity and inclusion during our reign.


I don't understand anything that you just said my darling but you'd look good if you showed up in the Empress new clothes as he pulled her close and gripped her waist with both hands. Anyway, you bring up a great point about another detail which I need to consider with my dresser. Perhaps a uniform is best to demonstrate that our new social agenda is official and appropriately grave. Long live the King, aye mummy?

Note: Begin casting Meghan Markle doll (solved) and Camilla Parker Bowles (solved). I am thinking a 1963 Fashion Queen Barbie perhaps with a new blond wig for Camilla. Perhaps, but the current solution saves money for wigs. Meghan will have to be selected from the current inventory for whoever is closest in appearance. Hint hint Mattel. Harry and Meaghan do America dolls are definitely in order and an interracial couple too! Let the royals eat crow for their comments about the baby's skin color so let's not forget dolls for Archie and Lilibet too.

William and Kate Get Involved


Kate looked expectantly at William and asked if there were any tentative plans to add her as judge on the show to incorporate a fashion maven on the panel unlike the predominant men who will be evaluating men in drag along with men and women from our family posing as the opposite sex. It all sounds a bit strange and one sided in our new roles of equality thought leaders don't you think?


That sounds like a lovely idea my dear and I will not hesitate to bring it up with daddy. My little brother has a way of stealing the stage in the King's eyes and heart and I promise you that our Hollywood sister will not steal the limelight from you. Your style is timeless and classic heralding the best of motherhood our country has to offer in design and taste.


It will be McQueen, Packham, Temperley, and Preen style in my book for the winners and not anything tasteless and too overtly original once the drag queens exert their influence on our family. I'm sure that granny would agree wholeheartedly to eliminate the contestants without appropriate respect for royal style and traditions.


I couldn't agree more and I hope that daddy's attempts at modernization don't make us seem dull or not up to date with the latest trends.


William arranged a face to face meeting with the King to better understand the new program under development and ensuring that his status as heir to the throne is properly portrayed.


William emphasized, Now Daddy you know that I am the future king and your direct heir to the throne so the fact that you called him before me really has me frankly, I'm really rather, uncertain of underestimating the overwhelmingly negative set of feelings your action has produced in me.


If you are committing treason against my government you will be dispatched as Your King!


Harry and Meaghan waltz out on us and are freed from all the public visits and other duties through long held traditions of our peoples. Honestly, I'd really like to pin Harry down good and then we'll both move forward from it.


No daddy I remain your loyal servant, listen please. I am proposing that we introduce an elimination round for Harry and I as judges and the victor will be the next King. How would you like that Daddy? Of course we may need to change some laws in the progress towards achieving our goals. What do you think?

Honestly my boy, I'm going to have to discuss it with Camilla and seek her counsel. The stakes are pretty high because we would like to create a series for every monarchy on the planet in support of our sustainable development goals. By pulling royal families shoestrings tightly we learn to make better use of our resources whether rabble or crown.


I am proud to be your Father and King. We'll have that pay to vote system added so that we can sell additional support for our family regardless of who they vote for. Harry will become the inevitable heir apparent through his popularity and good looks and then you can then go be a lazy American West Coaster like he was and leave him all the public doodies photo-ops in your wake. Now I know I have raised my boys right to be cunning in the old family spirit. I must go speak with Camilla.


But let me tell you something bitch, RuPaul can dish out at least as much as she can take as she placed a single pea on her guest's dinner plate. Don't tell me you gotta pea, bitch, RuPaul laughed. Michelle said, well that's one way to ensure that I hit some fast food joint on the way home my dearest friend.


Sorry baby, that's all I got.


RuPaul's new Christian Dior design for the updo blond doll.

The zebra print or white Marilyn dress are starting to call RuPaul's name for the lovely dinner with the King. She would be beautiful in both but I suspect the Marilyn will produce the greater effect of stoking the King's flames for conquering the virgin fantasy Queen of drag. And I do mean fantasy because all those pussies already done had her'ses and now potentially his'ses.


Another clothing option perhaps a bit too John Dillinger for the first face to face meeting.




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